Colapesche and Dimartino know a lot. More precisely: Colapeshe knows everything, and Dimartino, like us, is a stunned listener, faced with the predictions of a seer. Or maybe not, maybe Lorenzo Colapesque knows things without having paranormal abilities, but thanks to the fact that he became the owner of the latest generation of artificial intelligence. Or even not that, perhaps we are no longer dealing with the co-author of the unpublished “Splash” competing in San Remo 2023, but with an alien. Or maybe a clone, but still an alien. Maybe we should ask Mahmoud what is truesince at a certain point in a short film called The Truth About the Sanremo Festival appears on the smartphone of a very confused Dimartino with a video message in which he is exhausted on a Caribbean beach, ordering him to run because “They’re coming and it’s not the real Lorenzo”. And in fact, here he is, a former friend and festival comrade, with the red eyes of a reptilian replicant, who reveals himself for who he is and tells Antonio that he is beginning to evaluate an extraterrestrial union. “I’ve seen writers sign a 2-minute piece in 12, creativity in the hands of machines, the songs are all the same, like tears in the rain: it’s time to bill”. But if nothing is clear to you, let’s rewind. Starting with a title that promises in these 6 minutes (but a sequel is a must) to tell the whole truth about Festivalone, a truth that goes far beyond the names of the co-hosts who will be next to the national Amedeo.

The video begins with the meeting of the two in SUKAI, an acronym for Sanremo Underground Corporation’s pompous artificial intelligence. Here Colapesce shows his friend their position at the next Festival (fourteenth, let it be recorded, place your bets, but wisely), with the winners of the Cugini di Campagna Mia Martini Critics Award. But it’s not even real news. Indeed, a very serious Lorenzo announces to the astonished Antonio “that he has invested all our Siae develop “Jalisse9700″”, a system “powered by heuristic algorithms” that will be able to identify participants in San Remo until 2050.

And here they are, the futuristic spoilers we’ve been waiting for: Nuclear Tactical Penguins with Don Matteo will compete at the following festivals, Mohamed Meloni (“but is he dying?” “son”), Mingi Belli Rossi, Chanel Totti, Elon Musk and Fedes (“But Musk is spelled with a u”, “yes, it’s actually another one”), 883 with Luigi Di Maio and Elettra Lamborghini with Samantha Cristoforetti. Ah, and the last one. One. In the issue dedicated to duets. In short, Colapesche and Dimartino, who took 14th place in the next edition of the Festival, know how to do it in front of the cameras and probably also behind them. We will find out on February 20, when their first film as directors and performers will be released under the title Spring of my life out of which splash was already a part. They indicated this in the credits, describing the Rolling Stones as “a very coherent trail in relation to the imaginary of the film itself. So, without getting too romantic: the movie comes out on February 20, the action in San Remo takes place two weeks before, we have a song that we like and that represents us: how can we not put things together? It may have been a unique opportunity.. And also because, who knows, we might never make a movie again. But here it is: we had the opportunity to be on one of the most important stages in Italy, with something that we feel is very much ours and that at the same time perfectly represents what is about to be released in cinemas.” . So why not make it even more appetizing with the already iconic SUCAI saga?