51. This is not a figure, but a dagger. Are women killed by men until 2023 in Spain. Two more than in the entire previous year. And 1236 since 2003, the start date of data collection. Any number other than zero will be unbearable. According to the Spanish government, of those killed in 2022, 57.1% did not file a complaint; as the number of women victims of gender-based violence increased in the same year by 8.3%, to 32,644, according to the National Institute of Statistics (INE). Is 25N, International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. It is not in vain that there are those who daily persist in Soul to fight fear.

“Without exception, everyone comes and says they were reported falsely,” he says. Saul Romerosocial teacher in Alma against gender violence, for Independent. She sees the faces of rapists every day as they serve their sentences. Its mission within Regener’s Plan, is that they do not repeat the sowing of terror to “save women” whose lives were not impaled. However, is it possible to re-educate them upon their return to society? It is true that if there were no causes, there would be no consequences; female victims.

Laura Salgado She is a psychologist in the same association that operates in Extremadura and Castile-La Mancha. She, for her part, treats the wounds of the victims. Will this torture continue forever? How to work with deep and perverted feelings of guilt? Why is it so difficult to avoid an attack? “When we find ourselves in a dangerous situation, there are usually three possible responses…,” he continues. Salgado for this environment. We talked to both of them side by side about the severity of the case, with a sigh in the background.

Question: Is it possible to rehabilitate a sexist aggressor?

Saul Romero: At least we tried. Many come after the verdict. For re-education, it is important to see where they committed their actions and how to avoid them. Most violence is jealousy, manipulation, controlling another person, believing that they are their property… We need to let them know that violence is not the way. That there is always a choice. He Regener’s Plan This is a national project. In my case, I am dealing with those who have caused psychological trauma or physical abuse. Mentally, I couldn’t do that to a murderer.

Question: The people you work with are already hurting…

MISTER: Unfortunately it is so. For this reason, we strive to intervene to save as many women as possible; this is the goal. The damage has already been done. When they serve their time, will we leave them? So they continue to behave the same way. How many more women will suffer from them? It is very likely that the offender is a repeat offender. We ensure that the women you associate with in the future will not suffer the abuse you have inflicted on others in the past.

Question: What are the profiles of the abuser?

MISTER: There is only one profile: abuser. But we have different conclusions. An abuser who has a disability, one who engages in behavior unrelated to education, one who suffers from a mental disorder, one who is an alcoholic or drug addict. But there are also those who engage in such behavior because they feel powerful and believe that they should command a woman. During my sessions, I endured many sexist gestures on a daily basis. Apparently no one had spoken to them so clearly.

Society is based on a patriarchal model, the primacy of men.

Sol Romero, social educator

Question: Why are men rapists?

MISTER: Society is based on a patriarchal model, the primacy of man. If you live in a family environment where your father imposes authority and treats your mother a certain way, well, stop. They internalize it in such a way that most repeat the patterns. When sexist parenting comes from a family context, it is very difficult to change some things.

But I shouldn’t say that I was raised that way, because there is always a choice. Women also perpetuate masculinity. Sexist education differentiates how a boy or a girl is taught. We must train functional adults, whether men or women.

Machismo and new generations

Question: In the 21st century, the evidence for masculinity at an early age is clear. This does not end with new generations…

MISTER: Today there is a new form called digital gender-based violence. “If you don’t give me your password, it’s because you have something to hide,” for example. It increased and returned to normal. We interfere with ESO and Baccalaureate. This thought in the future generation is alarming.

Question: How is this reality explained?

MISTER: Because of the way feminism is sold in the media, which is equal rights and responsibilities between men and women. Indeed, they are selling hembrymism. Young people understand that now the world is against them, that they can be held accountable for anything, and that a woman’s word will prevail over a man’s word. Even many girls think so…

Question: What about politicians? Is investment in education adequate?

MISTER: Today this is not correct. For me, the fundamental theme will be working towards equality. That they know how to distinguish the cause of gender-based violence from indirect violence… This is an investment in respect, we are equal people. Place. But that hasn’t changed. It costs us God and help. This year we asked all educational centers in Badajoz to intervene, and only two responded. In our association there are increasingly younger users, the age range we talked about earlier, due to its prominence, unfortunately, in the field of masculinity.

This is how a woman who is a victim of sexist violence feels

Question: Is recovery possible for a woman who is a victim of sexist violence?

Laura Salgado: Answer: it depends. When we talk about psychological abuse and physical abuse, we find functional differences. Recovery depends on each case as many factors come into play. If a woman has been abused but has social support from her family, has been emotionally validated, or has received prior emotional education, a faster and more complete recovery will be much easier than if this had not happened. It also depends on which area is affected. Each woman has different symptoms, and each symptom has a different approach. Especially if we are talking about post-traumatic stress or complex trauma. However, it is difficult to recover 100%.

Question: Does it always leave a mark?

PM: Unfortunately yes. In the end, it is a rewarding experience. And what we learn is never erased. It may take up more or less space. We may have more or less strategies, but it never gets erased.

Question: I suspect the trail will seem overgrown with brambles at this point, but we must continue forward…

PM: Certainly. And there are ways out. As you say, this is not an easy or quick solution, but it is there. The important thing is not to delete or not delete, but to find strategies to find the life we ​​deserve despite everything that has happened to us.

Question: Insult has different expressions.

PM: Certainly. Moreover, there are others who do not identify themselves as such. In the media, very obvious violence is usually shown in very obvious situations because they are outside the norm, but there are many situations of violence that are within the norm. There were users who told me on the first day that “they are not victims of gender-based violence because what they say on TV does not happen to me.” Psychological abuse is our daily bread in many ways.

Question: Regarding the latter, Alma’s website emphasizes the importance of “timely awareness”…

PM: Most of our activities focus on gender-based violence education. There are those who do not have the tools to fully realize this. Part of the process is becoming aware of what you are experiencing, and once you are aware of the situations you are in, it is time to talk about what types of gender-based violence exist and which ones apply to you.

Question: Can low self-esteem make you more likely to be abused?

PM: It’s easy, yes. In addition to educating about gender-based violence, it promotes the avoidance of good self-esteem. In the end, we accept the love we think we deserve and the love we know. And there you are more likely to accept these situations or even seek them out. Many women who have experienced abusive relationships were not with their partner for the first time. That is, they often normalized hierarchical relationships.

Question: Why is it difficult to file a complaint in many cases?

PM: Mostly out of fear. Because, on the one hand, they often do not realize what is happening, and on the other hand, there is a fear of not being understood, accompanied… And, sometimes, many women do not take a step so as not to harm him. There are many mechanisms that contradict this “should have realized earlier.” Mechanisms such as addiction, learned helplessness… There comes a moment when they do not have or do not recognize the ability to get out of there. To have a good quality of life, humans need compression and affection, just like we need water. If the source of water we know is poisoned, you will continue to drink. It’s the same with emotions. There are times when the source of affection is the source of abuse, and this creates great confusion and great difficulty in making a decision.

Paralysis usually occurs when we realize we don’t have enough resources to fight or flee.

Laura Salgado, psychologist

Q: Is escaping aggression difficult?

PM: When we find ourselves in a dangerous situation, there are usually three reactions: fight, flight and paralysis. Paralysis usually occurs when we realize we don’t have enough resources to fight or flee. That is, at the functional level of survival, it is more profitable for us to stay in place than in the other two options, and this is something almost evolutionary. This reaction is very common. Here comes the possibility of facing similar situations before and this is interpreted as saying that in such situations you are defenseless no matter what you do and what the victim is actually feeling is the desire for it to end as soon as possible and they believe that staying put is the easiest situation for them. Let this end without causing you any more harm than you have already done.

P: And this is where guilt comes later…

PM: Very corrosive. And more common than we think. In fact, this is one of the goals that is later addressed with great zeal in therapy.

016 is the number to respond to all forms of violence against women. According to WhatsApp it is 600,000,016.