The love between mothers and daughters is often a powerful force. However, when combined with a competitive relationship, it can create tension and competition that should not exist.

Mother and daughter: what problems can rivalry affect relationships – Photo: Freepik/Disclosure/ND

A 27-year-old woman who wishes to remain anonymous, let’s call her Carla, talks about difficult experiences and problems in her former home. “My mother was a difficult woman. It was like it was a domestic dispute,” he says.

Carla claims that she was a beautiful and talented young woman. People always praised her, and this caused a certain jealousy on the part of her mother.

What comparison might entail

According to psychoanalyst and sex and behavioral therapist Chris Pereira, comparison influences how another person will act.

In other words, women who feel bad around others are likely to feel insecure and uncomfortable. In cases between mother and daughter, there are several factors that need to be analyzed in the relationship.

Be them:

• Differences in thinking;
• Everyone’s goals;
• How much does the mother support her daughter’s wishes?
• This daughter’s identification with her mother;
• A daughter’s understanding of her mother.

Rivalry between mother and daughter

Things began to get tense between Carla and her mother. The woman often made passive-aggressive comments towards her daughter. She downplayed the girl’s accomplishments and emphasized her own past accomplishments.

Moreover, she began comparing Carla to herself when she was little, highlighting her own struggles and sacrifices in raising her daughter.

Not understanding the reason for her mother’s attitude, Carla felt misunderstood and offended by her mother’s actions.

According to Pereira, according to psychoanalytic theory, we all have a symbiotic relationship with our mother. This feature gives rise to conflictual relationships with parents.

“In this context, the biggest challenge is to admit that there is a problem,” he notes. Because when there is competition on the part of the mother, she, unfortunately, will believe that this is how to raise and develop a daughter or son, and is unlikely to seek help from therapy.

But even if she can understand her daughter’s suffering, subconsciously she will feed on this pain. “The first person to suffer is the mother herself, and she doesn’t even realize it,” he explains.

So, to cope with her insecurities and fears, the mother feeds on competitive relationships.

According to Chris, once her daughter realizes that this rivalry exists, she needs to seek help. This will help you understand the relationship and set the necessary boundaries within it.

Is competitiveness a characteristic of narcissism?

Carla claims that communication with her mother was difficult. Both fell into a cycle of resentment and rivalry, which made family life very difficult.

She says she hasn’t seen her mother for 12 years since she left home when she was very young. “I decided to leave home because the situation was becoming unbearable and I got sick.”

After the news explosion about narcissism, Carla even thought about this problem and is sure that her mother suffers from this disorder.

According to Chris, competitiveness is a characteristic of narcissism, but it does not define it. “It is therefore important to seek specialized therapeutic help to understand the relationship rather than labeling or diagnosing someone,” concludes Pereira.