Jealousy can be a powerful force that can drive people to unimaginable extremes. In the age of social media and constant sharing of information, it is very common to witness partners driven by jealousy entering the digital world to find out what exactly their boyfriends like.

Searching your partner’s networks is a healthy attitude. Photo: Freepik/ND

It’s a story of love and insecurity where the fine line between caring and invasion of privacy blurs and social media becomes the arena for relationship drama.

Jealousy when searching on other people’s social networks

The 26-year-old, who has chosen to keep her identity anonymous but will go by Patricia, shares her story of the evening she reached out to people her boyfriend liked on social media. She admits that she is not proud of her actions and states that she will not repeat the act.

According to psychoanalyst and sex and behavioral therapist Chris Pereira, the main motivations for exploring your partner’s social networks are insecurity, fear of losing, low self-esteem, lack of self-love, self-esteem and emotional dependency.

Additionally, this can also be explained by the culture of “romantic love” that underlies such possessive behavior.

Pereira says this way of thinking began in the 20th century with movies, soap operas and songs that teach that a little jealousy and control disguised as caring is healthy.

Preliminary agreements established in the relationship

After an extensive search, Patricia came across a photo of another woman that her boyfriend had given her. The surprise was stunning because they were together when the image was published.

“I talked to him about liking other women’s pictures and he said he didn’t approve of that and that they only interacted with pictures of women I knew,” Patricia recalls.

However, the young woman could not remember who the other woman in the photo was, which made her even more suspicious. “There were a lot of uncertainties going through my mind,” he says.

Pereira clarifies that in certain cases, when there are pre-established agreements in a relationship, such actions can be interpreted as a violation of these agreements and regarded as betrayal.

“It may become apparent that the relationship is unhealthy and that there is a lack of respect,” adds Pereira.

In this context, psychoanalyst, sex and behavioral therapist Leonardo Moraes emphasizes the importance of deeply analyzing what is expected when entering a relationship and establishing clear agreements.

“If certain behaviors are not in line with individual values ​​and pre-established agreements, this may signal that the relationship is being structured in an unhealthy way,” Moraes emphasizes, confirming Pereira’s point.

Why did you like this photo?

After listening to her boyfriend’s speech, Patricia felt the need to understand why he “liked” a particular photo.

Concerned about clearing up any misunderstandings, the guy quickly explained that the man was a close work friend of his that he had previously spoken to Patricia about.

The boyfriend quickly explained that we were talking about a close friend from work. Photo: Freepik/Disclosure/ND.

However, Patricia’s mistrust persisted as she could not remember her friend. It was only when her boyfriend remembered an episode from the past that she remembered this man.

At this point, Patricia immediately apologized and assured that she would no longer investigate her partner’s social media interactions.

The situation raises an important question: How useful is it to investigate your partner’s social media activities?

According to Leonardo Moraes, excessive investigation of a partner’s activities on social networks is a form of invasion of privacy.

He emphasizes that, like any type of intrusion, this behavior is a form of violence that should not be encouraged. “Trust should not be tested or provoked,” he emphasizes.

Moraes argues that a partner should not feel the need to prove their reliability, since providing evidence of reliability can increase feelings of jealousy.

Instead, he suggests that, assuming all agreements in a relationship are being followed, the next step is to address the discomfort caused by mistrust and how it can negatively impact the relationship.

If the situation continues and does not improve, Moraes believes a rethink on the future of the relationship is necessary. This highlights the importance of open dialogue, in which both parties can express their concerns and expectations, to build a healthy relationship based on mutual trust.

Pereira points out that in many situations, by allowing a partner to accept controlling behavior without any problems, the person inadvertently endorses this pattern of behavior, normalizing it.

This veiled consent can, over time, lead to the correction of harmful and even aggressive behavior in the relationship.

Love has nothing to do with the feeling of possession

For Pereira, jealousy is often perceived as a possessive feeling that should not be considered natural and not necessarily associated with love.

Jealousy should not be considered natural and is not necessarily associated with love – Photo: Freepik/Disclosure/ND

She emphasizes that true love, on the contrary, promotes freedom, and people should find a new meaning that separates jealousy from proof of love.

In situations like these, when a partner is experiencing jealous behavior, it can be helpful to give that person space, believing that they can change. However, it is important to clearly communicate the expectations for the relationship.

As a result of this dialogue, it is important to establish mutual agreements that will allow the relationship to develop with greater trust and respect. If jealous behavior persists and recurs, Pereira says it’s vital that the partner knows when to end the relationship.

“Many people believe that a certain degree of jealousy can spice up a relationship, or that love requires the partner to satisfy all needs, including reading thoughts and desires. However, this point of view needs to be reconsidered as it is harmful for both parties involved,” concludes Pereira.