This August, Brazil celebrates Singles Day. This is a slightly festive and even unknown date, it happens on the 15th. But can we use it here and think about how in 2023, after so many achievements and builds, a single woman is still considered unhappy, inferior and unsuccessful. ?

No one should be defined by romantic relationships or social status. Photo: Disclosure/Pexels

Phrases like “you are very demanding and will be left alone”, “being single at this age is difficult”, “I will introduce you to my lonely friend”, “you will grow old to have children”, “when you least expect it, you will be chosen” are some of the stupid things single women have to listen to. At the same time, we see that the concept of a single woman is inconvenient due to social, cultural and historical factors that dictate norms, roles and expectations regarding the role of women in society.

What do you want? What makes sense to you? What is this social voice? Is your behavior in line with what you want? How many women are in bad or even abusive relationships to avoid being lonely? Does a woman who has a man next to her have more value? Is status worth more?

As always, today I bring points of thought about the “old maid” and not a ready-made and fixed idea. Let’s go together!

Tom Jobim’s timeless line “Love is really fundamental, you can’t be happy alone” has been sung since the 1960s and should continue to be appreciated, but it’s important to reflect on all the changes we’ve experienced, including transformations in relationships. I include here your relationship with yourself and your own desires.

But is a single woman lonely today? Wouldn’t self-love be love? Yes, it is possible to be happy alone, see your priorities, and still make positive changes in your life. This is the marital status that you can choose to be in.

Are you alone because of someone else? Or do you like it? Is it embarrassing not to be in a relationship? Is sex on the first date a fear of loneliness or sexism? Do you have desires or are you worried about what will please a man?

Three Possible Reasons a Single Woman Might Be Worried

1 – Gender Issues: In many societies there are traditional gender expectations that link the role of women to marriage and motherhood. The single woman is seen as a person who eschews rules and may even suffer from familial and social pressures to conform to the model and ensure the continuity of family and traditions.

2 – Social stigma: in some cultures, loneliness is associated with feelings of inferiority or failure, as the chosen marriage was often considered a woman’s life goal. Hence the pejorative term “old maid” or “aunt’s left”.

3 – Autonomy and Independence: In general, women who choose to be single have greater independence and autonomy in making decisions about their lives in general. This breaks down the traditional structure of society and some people may project their own insecurities and fears onto the belief that a single woman is a threat. I agree that today society is evolving towards greater recognition of lifestyle diversity and individual choice, but changes in mindset take time.

I emphasize that women have the right to choose what is best for their lives. Today there is even a movement called “singleism”, which comes from the English word “single”, which values ​​independence, autonomy and the search for personal fulfillment outside of traditional norms such as marriage. It reminds single people that their success and happiness are not related to marriage or romantic relationships.

It is necessary to learn the importance of respecting individual choice, that is, each person has the right to live his life in the way that best suits his personal values ​​and desires. No one should be defined by romantic relationships or social status.

Friendships, family relationships, professional relationships, personal connections are not only romantic relationships where a single person can find meaning, fulfillment and connection.

So, I repeat the question: why is a single woman so worried?