It is true that children do not come into the world with a manual, but it is important that parents and family members know what is right and wrong when living with young children. To talk about babies and children Portal ND+ spoke with psychoanalyst, sex and behavioral therapist Chris Pereira. Check it out below!

Babies don’t come into the world with an instruction manual, but it’s important that parents and family members know what’s right and wrong when living with young children. Photo: Freepik/ND

After discharge from the hospital, it is normal for many relatives to want to visit babies. At this time, care is urgently needed because they do not have enough antibodies to fight infections.

Therefore, dealing with assertive family members can be difficult. The psychoanalyst says that no matter how boring the mother may seem, parents must be demanding and set limits.

• To wash hands

The first rule is very important. Visitors need to wash their hands well and then use gel alcohol. Even if they are not going to touch the child.

• visiting schedule

A good way to balance the number of visits is to encourage family scheduling. Ideally two people per visit.

The psychoanalyst advises: “If uncomfortable people show up without warning, answer them in pajamas, because then the person will understand that now is not the time, and will understand that you were resting.”

Also, make it clear that visits cannot last more than two hours to protect the child.

• sick visitors

If the visitor is sick or even has a runny nose, do not accept him.

Also, don’t let anyone kiss your child’s hand or cheek. Adopting these protective measures is essential to keep your baby healthy.

• focus on mom

Understand that the newborn baby is the consciousness of the mother. Therefore, when visiting an infant, understand that your eyes should be on the mother of the child.

Do not run up to the child and do not pick him up. Focus on the mother, on the necessary support she needs so that she can support her child.

• pick up babies

In a respectful and friendly way, it is important for the mother to express her demands, rules and concerns. But if an adult doesn’t understand, that’s their problem. “If mothers do not allow others to hold their children on their laps, they have their own reasons,” says Pereira.

Children and the “kiss” on the lips controversy

Some parents have a tradition of “kissing” their children on the lips. According to the psychoanalyst, it is not recommended. “As a specialist in the field of sexuality and human development, I know how this affects adulthood,” he explains.

It is important to note that the issue of kissing on the lips must be resolved. No matter how much a child wants to kiss his parents, he must understand that kissing is an adult thing.

“Explain to the children that only teenagers and adults can kiss on the lips. When the phase comes, he can practice the action. At this point, kissing on the cheek should be the main ways to show caress and affection,” he advises.

The child must understand that the mouth is an intimate part, that is, no one can touch it. In this way, parents are already teaching the child the concept of intimacy, confidentiality and avoiding possible abuse.

Oedipus complex

Chris explains that, according to psychoanalysis, between the ages of 3 and 6, a child begins to understand the world in pairs, and it will be natural for him to fantasize, in the case of a girl, that her father is her first love. and boys, mother.

“At this stage, the child begins to triangulate and challenge this fantasy love. She becomes very jealous, mother’s girl and father’s son, because the kids consider themselves beloved of their parents, this is the stage of the Oedipus complex.

So when a parent simply kisses a child on the lips instead of guiding him, it can trigger an unconscious fantasy in the mind of the little one. “The father maintains these intimate relationships, which in adulthood unconsciously makes future affective relationships more difficult,” he expresses.

According to Pereira, the child has a certain dependence and imagines that he is “married” to his father or mother, which is why, as adults, they cannot understand why they do not develop other relationships.

Also, when they reach adulthood, they may be traumatized, feel humiliated, and feel guilty or ashamed because they felt eroticized as children, according to Pereira.

Why are some babies and toddlers prone to shyness?

Chris warns that it’s more than natural for children to not want to interact with adults, especially those under 6 years of age. This is because she is in the process of her development, and most of all she wants to connect with her parents or guardians.

“The phase in which a child starts wanting to socialize and make friends, which is when they begin to distance themselves more from their parents, starts at age 6, but this varies from child to child,” he reports.

Thus, when a child does not want to talk to an adult, even if they are family members, the adult must respect and not insist.

“After all, we adults have days when we don’t want to talk to anyone, why should a child want to talk?” The specialist concludes.