This Tuesday (15) is Singles Day. But what’s the best thing about being alone? Being a single woman can mean sharing life with yourself and enjoying it as you wish. However, some women face challenges imposed by themselves and society when it comes to loneliness.

Single women and social stigma — Photo: Pexels/ND

“I haven’t dated anyone for four years. It was a huge challenge,” says the 30-year-old woman, who requested anonymity. According to her, condemnation for loneliness was present in her own home.

“How can I tolerate awkward jokes, phrases that are used to attack you or complain about my demand to have a boyfriend?” she asks, recalling being quoted by her parents.
“very high expectations” and the difficulties she would face in having a perfect relationship.

Psychoanalyst Leonardo Moraes notes that not only women, but everyone should be well versed in their own company. “This is great and necessary for building future relationships, but what to keep in mind when there is no more interest in a relationship,” he explains.

“I have never been bothered by loneliness. I have always loved my own company and would not trade it for anything. Today I am almost engaged, but I only entered into this relationship when I was sure that this was the best choice in my life. Relationships should be complementary, not complementary,” he adds.

Moraes recalls that we belong to a society blatantly marked by a culture of romantic love that promotes the fullness of a couple, half an orange, or the lid of a pot. “The truth is that it breeds emotional dependency, frustration and pain,” he says.

It is important for a specialist to remember that someone’s company should not be a prerequisite for happiness. “There is an idea that we need to find someone to be happy. In fact, we need to be happy to find someone, and if we want it,” he explains.

singles day should be celebrated

Eduarda Ramos, 26, a teacher, says she has decided to stay single after the end of a three-year relationship. “For me, it’s a way of life. This day needs to be celebrated,” she says, who ended the relationship six months ago. “After the final, I imagined wounds that were unlikely to heal, but I felt free like never before,” he adds.

Being in “total solitude” made Eduarda’s life easier. “I’m in a happy moment, but if someone comes along who really wants me for who I am, I’m ready for it,” he added.

Anthropologist Adriana Angerami notes that society tends not to openly accept life choices that cause women to remain single. “That’s because there is a convention in society that happiness can only be achieved when you get married and have children,” he says.

According to the expert, this belief leads many women to believe that, having entered into marriage, they will find happiness. Despite this, according to the scientist, thinking has changed. “Because there are more choices in life that don’t just cross this conventional chain,” she confirms.

Psychologist Olinda Lily Zacharia notes that in almost all women-centered cultures, it is emphasized and repeated that finding a man is the most important thing that can happen in their lives. Having a partner who is the motivating and organizing center of your life.”

In this line, Leonardo adds that we live in a culture that establishes this timeline that translates happiness and success: in school-work-marriage-bearing children. “It happens for both sexes, but for women it’s tougher in terms of marriage and reproduction,” says Moraes.

In addition, society will still hold you responsible for any setbacks in your relationship. According to the expert, she will be called boring, cold, domineering and other adjectives that disqualify her as being able to maintain a relationship.

“When they decide to make a different choice, it is unacceptable, because it violates the logic, the script of the film that we are used to seeing around,” Adriana explains.

Single women and single mothers

Adriana Angerami also talks about single women who are single mothers. The prejudice against them is even greater, whether it’s entering the job market or even starting a new relationship.

“Many companies still adhere to the logic of not hiring mothers. This exclusive look also affects these women when they start a new relationship. This imaginary single woman suffers from other stigmas that are created due to the intersection of generational markers such as motherhood and professional life,” says the anthropologist.

Leonardo Moraes notes that in a macho culture that does not value femininity, women who seek a place in society, such as in the labor market and in political representation, are stigmatized as helpless, incapable of communication, rather than independent, leaders and fighters.

Single, Autonomous and Independent

In general, the need of society to control the fate of women who prefer loneliness is a historical problem.

“Previously, a legitimate woman was considered “valuable” one who placed herself at the service of her offspring and family. Unlike men, who needed status, assets and a last name. Sexual desire was their exclusive right, women had to obey it, ”Zakharia explains.

But today, a woman who is still a little clearer for herself about her historical significance, her social role and, most importantly, who she really is, is becoming increasingly difficult to accept certain conventions and social impositions.

Olinda argues that love-based partnerships are valid, but gender-wise, it’s rare to see men accepting brave, smart, independent women on the same level of importance and equality to be true partners with those women.

Positioning, independence and autonomy. These are words that women need to remember because the more they consider themselves dependent, the more they will harbor the stigma that they cannot live a fulfilling life alone.

Angerami concludes by stating that being single is an opportunity to lead a healthier life with yourself, but it will all depend on each woman’s specific choices and the life projects they build for themselves. “Loneliness can still be a passing period, a permanence, or a choice on how to live better. It’s all right,” he concludes.