One situation that is always present in my clinical consultations and through the Sexo sem Dúvida portal is the complaint about the lack of sexual rapport. How to solve the problem when the partnership is good, but sex is not suitable for one or all relationships? When we talk about sexual chemistry, are we talking about good sex, sexual chemistry, or sexual frequency?

It is important to remember that a good sex life is not only sex. That is, the sexual experience is not limited to the sexual act itself, only to the stimulation of the genitals. It includes everyday life, erotica, sensuality, affectivity, the body in general, and coexistence.

Intimacy goes beyond love and sex. It can be intellectual, spiritual, affective, bodily and sexual. – Photo: Pexels/ND playback

And, as I’ve been thinking, it’s not just sex that binds relationships. I always cite the importance of communication. Therefore, I argue that communication about sex matters.

Today I’m going to talk about another important element of a good partnership: intimacy. I already tell you that intimacy goes beyond love and sex. It can be intellectual, spiritual, affective, bodily and sexual.

And know that in order to be intimate with another person, you need to be intimate with yourself. Self-knowledge always! Self-awareness and willingness to know the other person and what sex is for them.

Parties to sexual intercourse

So, if there is a mismatch in sexual rhythm and the partnership is good, how to deal with it? First, it’s important to know how this partnership got closer and if the priority is horny, because the erotic attraction between a couple doesn’t always bond them.

People also relate to love, care and convenience. If the couple became close in love, then in this case the attraction may not be in sex, but in affective or intellectual attraction, for example. That is, in the way of being, in the way of seeing life.

If a couple bonded out of caring, the relationship could be both affective and material. Convenience, on the other hand, concerns the relationship of interests that takes place in a partnership. They can be financial, social, commercial, political, familial, leaving home, having a baby, staying in a foreign country… it’s not always obvious.

And sometimes convenience is structured according to coexistence, with common projects such as children, economic assets, travel or living in another country, for example.

Not much is said about convenience, but remember that every relationship has interests, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Honesty and clarity about what the couple’s project is is encouraged. In any of these situations, the partnership can be good and have little sexual rapport.

So there will be no sexual magic if there is no communication. Therefore, in order to get out of this impasse, it is important to talk about it. You must dedicate yourself. Relationships take work. There are times of crisis. It’s a challenge. Also, the expectation that desire should happen on the same day, at the same time, and with the same intensity for the couple is unrealistic. Sexual frequency depends on the rhythm of each person. And desire can be spontaneous or reciprocal.

You have to look at why you are having sex and with whom. You need to understand what stage of life you are in and what life cycle the couple is in. Sexuality is one of the pillars of quality of life, and a pleasant and frequent sex life is good for sexual, physical and mental health. But the frequency is individual and in a couple it is necessary to adjust the dance in the name of well-being and longevity.

Here we go back to the beginning of the game… where does sex fit into your life? What is the place of sex in your relationship?